Another day..

Can this be true?IMG_0687

I stand here, and I wonder why all my life, I’ve never had what forever means. I’ve had a long term relationship, 2 actually. But I have never considered completely what it would be to be with someone until one of you pass away. Sadly to say, if someone was to agree to a long term relationship with me now, they would be the survivor of me. You see, I was diagnosed 90% terminal within two years and it’s been two years for me. I was diagnosed long after my divorce so I am actually fighting this alone, and suffering alone. To start a relationship now and they accept this is a testament to their mentality. I have a saying, “In all things, consider all things.” If I knew my supposedly life long partner was only going to live 1 year, would I do it? For me, that’s a yes. For them, who knows. Some don’t understand death. Some of us have seen it before, and know it’s name.

I may not have long to go, or I may live another 25 years, who knows. Only God knows, but if you want to ride this train and help me as much as I can help you, let’s go. I have a couple of things left on my bucket list and I am not ready to go yet. Maybe through some of this, God might get the glory from it. He should get all the glory now because there was a dark time in my life where I traveled in the shadows. I am still in remission, how I don’t know. I may be broke, but I ain’t going hungry. Even the dogs get to eat the crumbs from the Masters table.

As I travel the last few days of the path God has given me, it amazes me at the people I meet that don’t get it. They think the world should revolve around them and whatever they decide is right, no matter how wrong it is. They can connect dots but not for the reasons they were there in the first place. They have suspicions, conflicting in nature, of what the truth is. So they assume, and what happens when you assume? You make an “ASS”out of “U”and “ME”. Those people will always point fingers at you, because they are trying to prove their suspicions right. Or they are trying to hide something in a closet so you can’t see it. Who needs the drama? I don’t. I don’t have long and I ain’t doing drama. The games are over. The only reason why someone hassles you is because you are not important to them, and it gives them a thrill to know they have manipulated you in one way or another. When they tell you they have it bad, their world is ending, and it’s all your fault, run. That person cares nothing about you.

I have people in my life I would have taken the bullet for. Not today. Maybe someday that will change, soon I hope. If I am willing to take a bullet for you, you must be special. Relish who is around you. See them in their shoes. Try one more time. Don’t give up. Throw out the trash. Go forward, to return to the past is devastation. Some reasons don’t change.